What were ten green bottles doing on the wall in the first place? What about the million bottles of Beer? And how about that idiot Humpty Dumpty? I'm not going anywhere with this, but it is something to think about.

In terms of the site, you might have noticed huge changes. You might not. But they're there. That's why I've not being updating the blog this week, I've been working hard. There's now an FAQ to be annoyed by. If you look at the top of this very page there's now a random quote generator. There is an all new reviews page, although with only 3 reviews so for. and da-da-daaaa, there's a webcomic. It's on the link marked 'COMIC' on the left. check it out. I think it's funny. That's why I'm doing it. I currently don't have any artwork for it which is why it's currently being done solely with Photos. But it's there, and will be for a while, I have more comics to go up every few days or so.

I'm struggling to find a name for it at the minute, although i have a few options. If you can think of something then let me know.

So the nationals thing is almost done. Deposits are done, We've swapped one person off and onto the team, The hotel is done and booked and the shirts are nearly ready for printing. So my work here is nearly done and nearly 2 months early. Damn I'm good.

I seem to be in bother. I'm happily trolling around the internet looking for a film when I discover that at some point while I've been asleep or drunk I've set up a Halo 2 tournament. Comes as a complete shock to me but what can you do. Apparently the prize is a thousand pounds, so where the smeg am i supposed to get that from?

So I'm now looking for either an xbox from someone or maybe just an invite to Halo itself for a quick tutorial. Might as well get up to scratch on what I'm organising.

Either that or I can just accept that GameShout made a top misprint sending people my way. Oh well, when I get a complaint from VagusNet then I'll post a link to them or something. You never know, maybe they'll link to me.

Oh, by the way, I have no idea when this tournament was, I think it was last month. Trust me to find out about it now.

It's day 2 of the chinese new year and to be honest I've been plotting a long rambling post about the Astrology of the chinese calendar, with this year being the year of the Wood Rooster and I'm a Fire Dragon, which should be enough information for you to find out exactly how old I am. But something in a conversation this afternoon made me reconsider.

It started with a conversation about the use of network gaming for video games. Being in the need for a new PS2 since mine's on the fritz I'm pondering buying a new slimline one and rejoicing for the fact that a network adaptor comes as standard in-built. My friend though is under the impression that it's all a big crock of shit and multi-play gaming should be done with actual friends, actually there.

Quite simply the difference of opinion soon got out of hand and before you know it he's insulting my genitalia while I'm casting doubts as to his lineage. Agreeing to change the subject before one of us lops the others head off I get to thinking about insults and friendship.

While it would be unthinkable to tell someone you merely dislike to 'Fuck Off', a standard greeting between close friends is quite acceptable as "You Goat-Shagging Trout-Rapist. I've shagged your mother and your sister. And they were both Shite". Why is this? What possible possible reason other than simple embarressment is there to not shout "HO! GOOD FRIEND! I REJOICE IN SEEING YOUR FIZZOG ONCE MORE!"

I think the simplest answer is to keep the conversation going. With someone you just meet you discuss interests, hobbies, work and people you know and individually hate. Someone you sort of know there's always the pauses when there's nothing really to say, but between close friends it's all been said, you know each other well enough and for a practised insulter it is possible to keep the accusations of pelvic warts going for days on end without repetition, hasitation or deviation.

It's also a way of challenging the imagination to keep working on new and inventive phrasing and obscenities. The loser? One who has to fall back on the unsubtle and crass.... "Yer Mam"... or even "C*NT".

And if you don't like it you can stick it up your arse

Over on the left you'll probably notice i've re-arranged the links so that my Comic - THEM'S THE VAGARIES is now second on the list. I felt like it needed more umf so i'm also telling you about it. Obviously I want it to be quite popular so as a favour, I would be delighted if you could vote for it on the 'Top Webcomics List' every day. it's just a case of clicking on the link on the left. At the time of writing this it's at 599 on the list. I'm hoping to make the top 100 inside of a couple of weeks. and with your help I can.

I'm trying to keep to an update schedule of three times a week for it, so if you don't like one gag then hopefully you won't have to wait too long before another one comes along. I'm happy to recieve feedback and comments, even guest comics, as proved later this week. Any rampant abuse about me or my family I'll let you keep, if that's ok.

So go, read, enjoy, vote. Please vote. Thank You.

If you've ever played Metal Gear Solid and you have a sense of humour, then check out THE LAST DAYS OF FOXHOUND. The guy doing it (Chris Doucette) has been doing webcomics for much longer than I have and he's got a very specific theme for his comics which for people that dont know MGS probably won't get, but I fricking love them, I think they're funny as hell and THIS ONE made me laugh out loud. A lot. I've been linked to his site for a while now, but if you've not seen it yet then go read. And if you're feeling generous vote for him too on the TWC List. But don't forget to vote for me too. Please.

Speaking of the Internet though, I'm pissed off at Google again. Alright, I understand that I've changed my site again, and now most pages are PHP as opposed to HTML, which kind of threw all my Google pagerankings into the bin. But for frig's sake, that was ages ago, why can't the bots have come back to take another look and update the ranks? huh? Is it time to get out the threats again? I think it might. So if you're listening Mr Google, I want my pagerankings back otherwise I'm gonna find where you live and shit on your neck while you sleep. That should do.

Ok, going back to bed now

I do it to myself, I swear. I decide to make a webpage, so I learn HTML and make a webpage. I carry it on in the forlorn hope that somebody other than me might like it. I expand it into multiple pages so it's now a website. Then I have to expand the Roleplay pages to get people to look once they're here, and make the site about roleplay and humour cos I like to think I know a little about both. So with the occasional update and a few writings for the blog you'd think it was working for me, wouldn't you? Well, no. Not me.

Since I want to make things easier for myself I choose to keep upto date with what's going on roleplay wise in manchester, and I learn PHP so i can update my site easier. On top of that I promise a couple of hobbits while out drunk to interview George Foreman about his genius inventions and put them on site. And finally add into that the magnificence of a Webcomic. All of which I am very proud of, but it's a crapload of work to do each and every one of these. All of which I do by hand. I've seen Dreamweaver. I've seen Frontpage. I'm willing to believe either of those and many million more could save me time and brainpower, but then I'm losing control bit by bit.

What happens when it goes wrong? Right now I know what does what, but what happens when the colours go wonky and the tables all decide to leap to the left? I can fix it now but that's cos i wrote it all. So to keep doing it by hand is still the way for me.

Anyway, this is deverting from the point. For the comic I now have artwork. Which I've been playing with for the past 6 hours and will be doing into the evening. Photoshop is great, but it's a bugger to control at times and it's not helped by writers block. how are you supposed to pose the cast if you can't come up with a gag? I can't use the gags I have cos i don't have the costumes done yet. Oh well. I'm sure it will all work out in time. Either that or I really will go nuts and kill somebody.

So, if you're not too bored already, nip over and look at the latest COMIC to get an intro to our two heroes, Miko and Eddie will be along on friday

What noise do penguins make? I know they're not exactly common on my street, but this sort of thing should be known by the general population. I say they quack. I have no evidence to back this up with and no clue as to how to find out. I could go to the zoo i suppose but it's not like I'm going to go all the way over there just to stand by the penguin pool listening. People would think i was wierd.

So that still leaves my dilemma intact. Do they honk? or Squeak? Bray? or even Moo? I don't know. It's this sort of shit that keeps me awake for a goodly portion of the day until i forget it or spot some shiny thing. I have so far polled 5 people as to the noises of the average penguin. Not one has agreed that they Quack, but none of them have given me anything like an answer yet.

So that answers that then. They quack. Told you so.