I don't know if you remember, but last year I started the new holiday. BED APPRECIATION DAY. Well it falls on February 4th every year and that means that this saturday I don't want to see anybody up and out of their beds.

In case you're wondering how i could see anyone while I'd be in mine, well I'll be occasionally turning on the tv from my nice comfy pit and watching things, which might even involve live tv. and topless darts. So there.

So this weekend, spend some time with your fine feather-down friend, and keep your feet up. Sleep for as long as you can and remain comfy and warm. This is my gift to you and yours to your nightly haven. Enjoy.

In other news...

You know how I said I hate people? Well on Tuesday night my car got shunted from behind as I drove home from work. Not horrendously badly, the bumper is dented and not much more. But now I've got to deal with my insurance broker, my insurance company, HIS insurance company and him. And what's the betting he'll try and weasel out of it being his fault?

He's got no fucking chance of managing it since I'd stopped in a queue of traffic and had been stopped for a couple of seconds before he hit me. But then again I've been shafted before by shyster insurance agents. Oh yes, and because of the relative age of my car and high excess then they keep talking about the possibility of writing off my car. BECAUSE of a DENT in the BUMPER. Jeeeezus Christ. I hate these people.

I am manly man. I am manly hardworking D-I-Y man. I am macho studliness. OK, how many programmes have you seen involving going up into the attic and humerously falling through the ceiling into the bedroom? Well as a starter to my first major diy project tackled on my own and purely for my own enjoyment and house pride and so on, I was absolutely fucking terrified of dropping through the thin plasterboard and insulation into the rooms below.

And yet.... I managed, with aplomb no less.... not just any old craftiness, but with aplomb and style.... to get up there, size, measure, grab, carry, nail, fit, nail, fit, measure, (go downstairs and fit together my flatpack workbench), saw, fit, measure, saw, splice (whatever that is), go back to B&Q for more boards and tools and jigsaw bits, carry, saw, measure, draw, saw, nail, saw, nail, swear, sit, smoke, smoke, drink, nail, saw, nail, saw, nail and hammer, swear, saw, nail, saw, carry, fit and finish.

By 9pm last Saturday night I had a floored loft, a sore right hand, a shattered left thumb, an unmarked bedroom ceiling and a certain amount of pride. Manly pride. from Manly Man activities. You should see it. You would weep with jealousy.

So I'm doing this web design course at night school. and every week getting great and fresh ideas of stuff that i can do, but the actual application of it is scary and huge. And so as and when I get things done then sometimes it's obvious and mostly it's not.

One thing I have come to realise is that I do need a database or two, and I can see so much that I can do if i get my hands on one. Which obviously with the package I'm using at the minute I can't do. So I'll move. I'll also tell you when I move though you shouldn't be able to tell when I do.

Basically things should be easier once that's in and I can prettyfy things and do stuff once I've moved, oh fuck it, you'll understand when you see it.

Anyway, this is one of the many things I did on the course last night.

Go easy peoples, and ttfn.

Go-Go, Justice Mass Transit!

Some of you know I act, some of you might even care, but for those that don't know then I am an actor and occasionally I get to sneak onto television. Check out Life on Mars tonight on BBC1 at 9pm. I'm first out of the van and just inside the door on the warehouse scene.

It's not a huge role to play, but it does involve an action scene and it was great fun to film and it's for a really good tv show. Which is far better than I can say for other things I've done. Oh yes, and we're sure that the dust flying around the warehouse that you can see is actually laced with asbestos.

Happy Viewing

So, Bed Appreciation Day came and went. and again with no events scheduled, no plans made and no novelty t-shirts sold. Joy.

and i have to say, it takes a lot of effort to get through the day. I spent a while reading in bed until it got past noon, then moseyed on down to the sofa with a duvet. I then stayed there until gone midnight and by heck, it took some doing. I thought my brain would wash away after 8 straight episodes of Smallville, but no, I made it until the end of the series.

My body was shot though by the time midnight rolled around. I had a sore back and severe heatstroke. If only the fireplace had a psychic thermostat on it. oh well. Through bloody mindedness and judgement I made it through to midnight doing almost nothing of any value whatsoever. Joy to me.

My bed feels appreciated. I made sure.

68 days to go

Sit down, take your shoes off, make yourself comfortable. There's a lot to catch up on. You ever notice that when you're far too busy with other aspects in your life, the TV gives up on showing the same old crap as it has been for the past 9 months and dumps about 15 programmes on you that you really need to watch?

Normally I'd argue with you as to the various merits of different programmes, probably in an intellectual manner focusing on intellectual stimulii and relevant artistic criteria. Then slapping you very hard on the ears for watching The Swan or Queer Eye or Horrible Mutilations in Surgery and so on. But there is good stuff out there, and right now there's a hell of a lot of it.

I mean, take this week for example. Life on Mars and Scrubs tonight, Battlestar Galactica tomorrow, Cold Case, Bones on Thursday and 24 on Sunday. And wasn't last night's 24 rather good? I predicted that he'd die this series, but not within the first 10 minutes. That was cool.

AND THEN on top of that you've got Angel, Buffy, Scrubs and 24 previous series being sold off cheap on Amazon and Play. It's a damn good thing I've got a good memory for stuff, otherwise I'd never get anything done. Oh yes, and Las Vegas and Rescue Me are coming back too. Which is nice

As far as I'm concerned, the primary difference between the stuff that I love ... and the shit ... is that one is a combination of decent acting, excellent storylines and good humour with competent direction leading the audience into a fictional web of intruige and comedy as we follow a plot that somebody has actually thought about.... The other is minless drivel about meaningless people whining into cameras about how much the world hates them and they hate themselves. With a theme.

Bet you didn't know I once applied to go on

Big Brother

Obviously, since I've not been invited to get my tits out for the Daily Mail or show my house off to Hello! then it's apparent I didn't make it onto the series. And thank fuck I didn't. From the first minute that the second one started upto and including the latest incarnation that house has been full of the most pretentious, self-obsessed, money-hungry, retarded, emotionally crippled idiot-fucks since Hitler decided that house painting was a crap job. The incessant whining is only broken momentarily by pondering how many magazines they're in already and how much the public love them.

You know what I'd love to do? Build hundreds of Big Brother Houses. Thousands of them up and down the country. Build as many as possible in complete secrecy and then accept every bastard who applies to that fucking show and put them into one. Pack them in ten or more at a time and then walk away. And here's the best part. Turn the fucking cameras off. Let them whine and bitch and moan to themselves for three months wondering which glossy scandal rag is going to give a shit about them once they're out and then on the final night tell them that nobody has been watching them at any point. And then gas them.

When did reality become tv?

Damn this vile electronic frippery! I've been hooked by videogaming crack and cannot let up! Upon resolving to have a happy new year i instantly find myself overburdened and overtaxed and so throw myself fitfully and eagerly into a pit of depression and self inflicted hell. Which is useful because it's bloody cold outside.

Well with it getting towards the end of February I look around and start peicing together tattered bits of my psyche and FINALLY ... FINALLY get around to doing creative things like the comic and some articles for IRM. unfortunately the god of all that is electric has other ideas for my immediate future.

Have you ever been comfort shopping? Feeling that life, the universe and everything is so shit (and it is, btw, i know cos i read this book) that purchasing a trivial beeping thingy-item is enough to raise your spirits for a few seconds or so? Well bollocks to you, I have. I buy video games. I buy cheap preowned ones, I buy bargain offer ones, I buy ones that are mislabelled and I buy ones that I know you can't get hold of for love nor money anymore. But mainly I buy cheap preowned ones and I buy them when I'm depressed to cheer myself up.

So this weekend I bought a couple of last games because of their availability (or lack of) and sat down to play some before getting on with some work. Next thing I know it's 6am Tuesday morning and I've missed a day of work. Though I do have a level 9 mastermind on City of Villains now. Shit. I knew something would go wrong.

In case you're wondering, the pile of new games consists of...

• Prince Of Persia : The Two Thrones
• ICO - (just been re-released for £20... go get it)
• Ratchet & Clank 3
• Burnout Revenge
• We Love Katamari
• Eyetoy 3
• Red Dead Revolver
• Beyond Good & Evil

Of course, this means that I can now also play Sega Superstars that Amazon conned me into buying without telling me that it was a bloody eyetoy game. I fancy eyetoy spy to be honest though. It looks like it might use my brain. Though I could be wrong. I'd quite like to use my brain to play games with. Though not in a squishy way, it would get all goopy with things and covered in fluff.

So when people ask you where I've been for the past millenia, make sure you tell them that I'm conspiring to take control of all your electronic miasma with my little gadget pets. And I'm going to get more, you know?

Please speak after the beep...

I've tried being angry. I've visualised beating many people to death with various blunt instruments. Or at least i've tried to. I've tried to pull someone's arm off, but when i realised the screaming was merely for my benefit i gave it back to them.

I've attempted being happy, but when I smile at people they get a worried look in their eyes and start looking for exits and windows. I've been polite and nice to people but given up due to their excessive need for me to remember insignificant details like their names.

I've been so far as to to try melancholy but the first three buildings didn't take it so I stopped that after an hour or two.

The trust is, I'm just tired. I'm still staying up late and getting up too early cos of telly and games and stuff and I didn't get my mandatory 69 hours kip over the weekend what with being in York. Oh yes, I went to york for a little holiday and ended up being embroiled into a huge gathering and stag party.

I'm nearly into my third decade and my body can't handle the rough and tumble pace I set for it. Maybe i should kill somebody rich and get a large staff of minions to do my every bidding? Either that or get healthier and go to bed sooner.

Arses to that. Gimme the Money