Although I normally feel no shame in being a narcissistic egomaniac, today I'm gonna go overboard, cos there are times when a little bit of nostalgia is well worth it. See, I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I turn 30 in 3 days and I think I've done a fair amount of stuff in that time, and for my sake if no-one else's I'm gonna go through some of the highlights.

Oh yes, and while reading this, if you feel like doing a bit of shopping, my wish list is over here. Thank You.

I once spent three months on a summer camp in North Carolina instructing kids from 7-15 how to do archery. A job I was woefully untrained for but I did lie quite convincingly on my application form. In fact, the only experience I'd had with archery was twenty minutes at Butlins when I was 5. Heh. Fun Gig though.

I finally got to swear on telly, and got paid for it. One of the reasons why I took up acting was the girl next door got to say piss on telly when she was 8. Took me close to twenty years later, but I got to say 'Bollocks'. Maybe one day I'll get to Fuck.

I've acted in god knows how many theatre shows in theatres all over the place, including a week in one of the oldest theatres in the world. I've played thugs, vicars, Death, soldiers, pirates, scarecrows and on one notable occasion a rampant transvestite club owner. That was fun. I've written, directed and most of all produced. You should try it.

I've built up a damn fine team of roleplayers and taken them to student national championships for about 7 years now. And the past three of those years we've come 2nd each time. My team might not have won yet, but we will. Boo Yah.

Vaguenet. On a whim I built a website. It's now been going over 2 years and even though it's full of spite, drivel and egomania it gets on average two hundred people a day come to visit. Amazing. Shame the thing I get the most e-mail about on a regular basis is the damn Denby Dale Pie Conspiracy.

I've written stories, scripts, articles, loads of which have been printed and performed. I've written for a national magazine. Hell, I've even been one of the writers of an actual book; Alright, it's a roleplay sourcebook and it's not been published yet, but I'll tell you when it has been.

I am the master of video games. I have almost every console sold in this country and hundreds of games for them. It's a sizeable collection, and as I mentioned, I'm great. Heh.

I tried stand up comedy for a while. And then I discovered that I suck when I'm not on form. And I don't handle the crowds well. It took three mass murders to get out of that game. I'll maybe go back to it at some point. Maybe.

I was in the RAF cadets for a couple of years and I learned to fly. I even know the theory of how to fly a helicopter. That's fun.

I've stood at the top of the Empire State Building. I've looked up at the World Trade Centre. I've visited the Smithsonian, FBI HQ, 2 Disneylands and the Louvre. I've been to Paris and Berlin, Salzberg and Luxembourg. I've smoked in the coffee shops of Amsterdam. I've been a viking for a week on an island in a fjord in Norway. I know a fair amount of French and a spattering of German, Spanish, Norwegian and Dutch.

I've met Desmond Llewellyn, Richard O'Brien, Terry Pratchett, Philip Schofield, Jasper Fforde, Chris Barrie, Peter Mayhew, Warwick Davies, Ron Perlman and many others. Paul Nicholas mistook me for one of his stuntmen and I ended up having a drink or two with him. And best of all I've even been drunk with Michael Sheard and he was a lovely old drunkard, he'll be missed.

I am, was and forever will be the TrekMaster. There. I've owned up to it, god damn you.

I put together events. I did one last year for over 150 people for an all day party that went down a roaring success. I'm proud of that.

That's all without mentioning the roleplay games properly. I've run and played too many games to count, never mind remember any more. You name it, I've played it. And I love it and I play for the fun, never to win, which is I think one of the biggest secrets.

I have a great many friends all around the world and at home. And I love them all. Thank You.

Most importantly, I've found a beautiful, lovely, loving, caring woman and convinced her to (one day) be my wife. I love you Aliss, and I always will.

Before I finish though, I'll throw this at you. If the opportunity to do something comes along, what do you lose by taking it on. And if the opportunity doesn't come along, why not go find one?

Here's to another 30 years.