As you sit on the carpet of your bathroom, having dragged yourself out of the bath so you're now naked and wet and covered in foam bubbles, while draped over the toilet heaving what can only be a fictional representation of food since you haven't eaten in the past 24 hours and what does come out is worryingly more red than it should be. Add to this the feeling that a toilet break is soon in order and the sink's out of reach, the bath is full and the toilet is already occupied and you're in a dilemma... As you sit there you realise that this is possibly a sign that you've been pushing yourself too hard recently.

Now that you're scrunching your eyes closed and humming the greatest hits from the Beach Boys with your fingers in your ears in a pathetic attempt to drown out the last visual image granted to you, just picture the fattest person you know riding a mechanical bull wearing nothing but a liberal spattering of swarfega.

And now you're in the right mood to talk about Christmas and Christmas time in general. I love and hate Christmas in equal measure for various different reasons. But that's something for another time. For now, I'd like to tell you what this time of year is to me.

Christmas is a busy time for me, but it's about a third of the way into my year. My year starts way back in August/September when the new students get into town. That's the time the roleplay society kick off again and I've got to start thinking about organising events like the Nationals and Xmas parties. That's when people get back from their holidays and start having new ideas that mean more work for me. So like I said, it's a third of the way into my year…

Now is the time when the cheques and forms need sending to the Nationals committee. And once again the committee is made up of people that have never even seen a Nationals event. Which I never understand, surely there's going to be somebody around that knows what to expect. Anyway, the new bods obviously have lots of lovely new ideas about how it could and should be organised, especially when it comes to money. Which throw everybody's brain out of the window.

Now is also the time when we have the massive Xmas party which I've been organising for the past 3 months. Not solidly of course, I do make sure that for an hour after lunch each day I catch up on my e-mails and webcomics. Then get back to the party planning. If you've ever had to deal with up to a hundred two-year olds with the attention span of a wounded gnat and the self control of a lactating zebra and a higher sense of entitlement than a royal cousin in Harrods then Congratulations! … you're qualified to organise a company Christmas party. It's on Friday and they know to do what they're told or they get a slap on the bottom and the naughty step for an hour.

Christmas day is to be spent with the hilarity that is my family and then (if we can find anybody to cat-sit) we'll be going down south on boxing day to be with my darling's family. If the car is still working at that time. Oh yes, the car's going in for a service next week. This is also new to me. Never once had a car 'serviced' … I don't even know what that'll involve. Or at least I didn't until yesterday.

And then the New Year's Eve at my house, more than likely. I like hosting New Year's Eve. It involves no walking, no crowds, no food poisoning, no spiking of drinks, no shite pop or trance or hiphop or whatever the underage drinkers are demanding from the rezident DJ monkeys these days. Bed is only a few steps away, and once we sweep the last of our 'guests' out onto the doorstep at dawn then we find that there's more beer in the fridge than we put in there. Hurrah.

Oh and presents. I've done shopping for mine. I think. Thank god. I always get too many for people, I mainly get good stuff, but to make up for the not-so-great stuff, there's always a lot of it. I hope they like them. Oh, must remember to get some more rubber chickens. Where can I get those from now?

Happy Winterfair To All,
And To All A Good Night.

.. dear friends, once more. It's nearly Christmas and it's time I left you for another year. I love christmas. I love most things about it and even though it's a big hassle and there's plenty of things to hate about it, I still get happy at the thought of some time off work for just me, myself and I that doesn't come out of my holiday alotment. I thought I'd share a few thoughts with you.

I love to see people go nuts on decorating and presents and lights and the insane need for the front garden to be seen from space.

I hate people going nuts on the shopping and the town centres that do all the trade for the year inside of one month by packing fifty people into a space designed for one anorexic chipmunk.

I love the fact that people can and will smile for no reason at strangers far more easily than at other times of the year, even if simply in the knowledge that they've got not one but two work-sponsored holidays coming up in a week or two.

I hate the fact that it's impossible to get a drink in a pub within 10 miles of a city without a chainsaw and pickaxe to work your way through to the bar.

I love the constant running arguments with people as to the political correctness of the name of a holiday used to give presents to each other in celebration of a misdated fictional birth taken from a different religion's celebration of the deepest winter. Because it's not respectful to religions who don't celebrate it.

I hate the miserable people that go out of their way to bring down people's festive mood by announcing loudly how much they hate Christmas.

I love giving and getting presents. Presents rock.

I hate how there are people alone at Christmas. And I'm not talking about the old and the homeless, they have charities to hunt them down and force turkey upon them. I'm talking about your own friends and work colleagues, those that don't have or don't get on with their own families. They that don't really have an easy time getting on with people and don't have anyone to spend the time with. Do you know where the people that you see and talk to every day are spending their Christmas?

I love getting time off work. Two bank holidays with a week in-between to do with as you wish? Heaven.

So that's it from me, chaps. I'll see you in the new year.

Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good Night.