I know, i know... I'm working on it. Let me get back to you as soon as i've got something working again.

BTW, Legend of Zelda : Twilight Princess RULES!

Anyway, let me get on the case.....

I've recently been schlepping over hill and dale for days on end looking for insects. And not just any insects you understand, but special glowing insects. And two of every kind. Not because of some mythical flood come to wipe away all non-glowing insect life, nor because I've discovered a sudden and burning passion for Entomology… no. I'm doing this because an insane child calling herself "princess" wants to have an insect party and has asked me to find the guests. So now 'cos I'm weak willed and she has lots of money, yes, I'm now her bitch.

I love the Zelda games and the latest, 'Twilight Princess' is no different. There's always a moment while travelling the lands of Hyrule that makes me stop and ponder for a while. Take last weekend for example. I had been having a shitty week, and I wasn't the only one. The royal palace was under a deep magic spell, I had one girlfriend dead, one girlfriend cursed and the third girlfriend doesn't even know who I am. Large portions of the world are no-go areas due to the beasties likely to tear your head off instead of saying 'hello'. My own body has been invaded by darkness and I'm not in control of the consequences. When suddenly I'm presented with a choice… Do I take the right path, on to fame, fortune, riches, glory and the keys to saving the planet, my love life and soul? Or do I take the left path where I can spend days riding on the back of a giant vulture screaming through canyons popping balloons that look like strawberries? I'll let you guess how long it took me to come to a decision.

Mostly the Zelda games amaze me for the identical nature of the games. Take Link, Zelda and Ganon. One big world with different zones, puzzles in each section and the need to dig into temples and collect new toys, all of which are used to get you nearer the central castle and the final battle. But each time it's twisted into a new direction, new challenges, new puzzles, new enemies. You might figure out where your going but you're not sure how you're going to get there or how long it'll take. The ride, as they say, is the important bit… with some interesting little chunks of insanity along the way.

Oh shit. You do realise this means that Zelda has become the next generation of the Crystal Maze? Just give Richard O'Brien a red wig and you're sorted. I dare you. I fucking dare you to stand in the middle of Hyrule Field, look at the large orange gem shape over the castle and not think of the Crystal Dome. Just think of the doggie as a rather badly fitting grey jumpsuit. And occasionally remember to shout "Can you start the fans, please!". Heh.

In other news…

It makes me curious over time as to what books I've read and games played and bought within a reasonable timeframe and constantly I forget such things, or at least I know I've done them, I just forget when I have, if you catch my drift. So from here on I'm gonna try and remember to record what I've been entertaining myself with.

For example, since the start of this month I've read The Book of General Ignorance (the QI book), Kitchen Confidential by Antony Bourdain and I'm currently in the middle of reading Casino Royale by Ian Fleming.

The only game of any note is obviously The Legend of Zelda : Twilight Princess for the Wii that I finished this weekend, though I'm likely to start either Justice League Heroes or Kingdom Hearts 2 for the PS2 or Raving Rabbids for the Wii (if it's turned up).

Linkage Day. Every now and then I happen upon fun and interesting things, fun sites and stuff that just makes me giggle. And every now and then I feel the need to share them. Don't ask how I come across these things, I can't remember half the time myself, but they're various bits and pieces I have bookmarked and if they're good enough for me, they're damn well good enough for you. So sit back and enjoy while I take you on a tour of the latest and best stuff around the world wide interweb.

In fact, if you've tracked back from the sites (or reports) linked, then consider yourself as having acheived the very rare and ultra exclusive 'VAGUE GOLD SITE OF BADGERNESS' for yourself. Something every self respecting site should be striving for, not quite as shiny as an Oscar, but a few leagues ahead of the Eurovision.

Anyway, here you go. Each and every one a work of pure genius.

50 Things Not to Do at Hogwarts

For when you hold Celebrities in as high a regard as I do

One womans look into this mystical world know as Second Life.

Taking a new look at the old school.

Never, never underestimate stupidity.

An in-depth critical analysis of 'The Riddler'

Cat pictures. Seriously. lots and lots and lots of cat pictures.

Falling Sand. Do not open this unless you want to say goodbye to the rest of the day.

Comic book covers from a simpler, more caring time

This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

There you go. That should keep you amused for a while. I wonder where I'll go today.

Once again, I lie in bed smothered by my lovely warm duvet with my darling by my side and the cats happily sleeping elsewhere. The alarm clock goes off well before dawn and I manage to hit the snooze button long before enough of the song has played to make me recognise it. I'm fast enough to hit the snooze button that quickly because it's so far the fourth time I've done it this morning.

My bed is a warm and comfortable place of warmth and comfort. Of sleep and other things that begin with S. Mostly it's the last warm bastion of peace that any of us get before dragging our sorry carcass out of it on the trawl into the transport system, be it public or private, onward to our paying jobs. And as much as we might love our jobs, it's still difficult to give up the unconditional love you get from a warm duvet on a January morning.

And how many of us truly appreciate this marvellous horizontal technology, given by the gods millennia before the wheel, fire and all-day-breakfasts? Not many. As much as you might think you understand about the history of the world, the oldest profession was never the prostitute, it was the bedmaker. Who then got paid by the prostitute.

We all swear as we get out of bed, rather than thanking it. We leave it in a sorry dishevelled state all day unless we're lucky enough to have somebody tidy it for us. And we ignore it long after it calls to us of an evening for-just-one-more-game-of-Pacman. Shame on us. Without a bed, we might not sleep, without sleep, we would die. Without a bed, we might have to resort to the floor, on the floor, we might get rugburn. Without a bed, we wouldn't have an under-the-bed to hide monsters in, without monsters under the bed, we might not be able to scare children into shutting the hell up.

This February 4th, remember all this. This Sunday is Bed Appreciation Day and a fine time to get to know your bed better. To come closer again and let the troubles of the world blow right past the window in ignominy. For one day, be a lazy bastard and in truth, admit to the world that sleep and comfort are fantastic things. For one day, move no further than the toilet and the sofa, taking your duvet with you.

The 4th of February is Bed Appreciation Day. Spread the word, then return to that whence you came. Your Bed.

Oh, Happy Day.