What can you do with a thousand monkeys?

Wednesday 20th January

I have a time machine.

Unfortunately it's set for non human travel only, so I'm pondering the best time and place to release a plague of a thousand monkeys.

Would they be best suited over the walls of Troy during the siege?

Or would the French Revolution handle the infestation better?

How about pre-historic Spain, or Bermuda, or the Arctic?

The connotations are incredible and the impact would be incalculable. Would nothing change, (and you know in your racist little mind that you thought that with a couple of those suggestions) or would we end up being mere puppets in a mighty simian empire stretching across the galaxy throwing our fists in the air as we stare at the ruins of the millennium dome screaming 'Why, God, Why'.

If that happens, I suppose you can blame me.

But at least now you'll know why.

That is, when you wake up in the morning in your cage.