Advertising : Are You Entitled To Free Cash?

Monday 01st February

Did you fall over at work?

Did you have a slip or fall anywhere?

Were you not wearing the correct protective clothing while swimming through acid?

Do you owe more than you can afford on personal loans you took out without reading any of the small print saying 2178% APR?

Did you feel slightly insulted when the woman behind the post office counter called you Miss instead of Ms?

Did you order the wrong thing on your sandwich?

Do you get easily confused by everything and try and brush it off by ignoring all common sense arguments?

Is absolutely nothing your fault, never was and never will be?

Then you could be entitled to free money*

Shotgun, Bastard and Dribble are a team of lawyers dedicated to shafting those that have hurt you, degraded you or even looked at you funny.

Thousands of people are hurt every day and there are millions of people hoping to cash in on that. If you have absolutely no reason to complain but would like to jump on the bandwagon then you should get in touch with SB&D, NOW!

To apply for money that you have absolutely no entitlement to, then follow the simple procedure listed below.

1. Write out your complaint in full, making sure to name all people involved (including the people in front of you in the queue in Primark, MacDonalds and Asda), the situation where and when it happened, and everything that is irritating you at the moment.
2. Write the full complaint out in triplicate, longhand (that means actual writing with a pen and paper).
3. Send one copy to SB&D, don't worry about the actual address, the post office have nothing better to do than figure out where you want things sent to, don't forget they look after the whole country.
4. Take one copy to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau and wait in line before getting to the lovely counter assistant, preferably of a race that isn't one you like, and get her/him to read your complaint in full out loud so that everybody around can hear what a bumptious imbecile you are.
5. Shove the third copy up your arse.

Follow these simple steps and your case will be considered on a no-win, no-fee** basis, especially since we don't bother to read anything anyway, we'll just send you monthly bills and letters to let you know how your case is doing. Letters may be the same photocopies we send to everyone.

Remember : It's never your fault!

(*though the chances are very much against you).

(** fees will be refunded if we ever close the case, which will be unlikely)