And then we came to the end

Monday 1st March

For twelve years I worked in an office, and in that time I met a whole lot of people that I dealt with on a daily basis. They gave me support, they educated me and I built some great friendships.

Alright, it's true that there were a large number of people that I couldn't stand and am not in the slightest part disappointed that I'll probably never see them again, but in any large group you'll have people that you don't like.

But now it's all but over. When I left I was in a group of half a dozen people to go. It was a little sad but we all had some sort of plans, mine being to be a writer, an objective I'm still struggling with.

On Friday just gone, I went back to the office. The next wave came through and over thirty of my old colleagues were leaving. That's more than half of the office. It was one massive party to congratulate and commiserate a huge number of people who again would probably never see each other again. There would be no reason to socialise with anybody else and no impetus to get in touch other than with one or two that you took the e-mail addresses of.

When I started there were 18 people in three teams doing completely separate jobs in slightly different areas. When I left those same jobs and more were being looked after by 6 people. From today onwards that work is being looked after by 2 people. I have no idea what the expected service level is supposed to be in that IT office is anymore, but I think it's actually going to be lower than they were hoping.

Each person left will have the choice of seats in the office, probably with three or four empty chairs for each surviving person. It'll be like the final episodes of the Apprentice or Survivor. There'll be no more gatherings, Christmas parties, summer train trips or anything frivolous. If they want to have an entire office meeting there'll be no need to take the lecture theatre anymore, they could gather everyone into one office, and not a big office at that.

It's sad. It's like the end of an era that I invested my person in for over a decade, some people two or three times that. Now there's nothing more than a limping shell and I cannot see it continuing in that form for much longer.

Don't get me wrong, the place will carry on for a while yet, I damn well hope so since I still have some very good friends working there, though not many any more. But it won't be the same, nothing ever is with that level of attrition.

I can't even blame the company for it's actions and no, I won't be naming people or the company for your benefit. The losses that they were suffering were too much and something needed to be done otherwise they might as well shut up shop and give up right then and there which would have helped nobody.

It just feels like a real ending and I don't know what will happen from that point on. All I know is that as of today, Monday the 1st of March there are a lot of people looking at their careers and hopefully in the same way as I did five months ago.

An opportunity.

I'm sure it was around here somewhere

Wednesday 10th March

I seem to have lost my funny.

I can't make jokes anymore.

Is it because I have lost my sense of humour or is it because I'm just not funny anymore? I need to have an injection of humour or something. I need people to mock. I need some sort of strange monkey-donkey hybrid to come along and host a class from clown school.

Where has all my funny gone?

Was I awake when it left?

Was I violently beating someone when the fun left the enterprise?

What was I doing on the enterprise?

See? Even that's not funny.

I used to understand comedy, I could make you laugh on occasion. Why is that not there anymore?

Maybe I'm spending too much time on the internet.

Damn you, internet!

I'm kind of a big thing

Sunday 21st March

I am infamous.

No, really, I am. I get told on a regular basis.

I get calls and e-mails every now and then from friends telling me of conversations they overhear or get involved in that involve me.

Obviously because I'm so epically great.

I say that will all true modesty, obviously.

Seriously, not long ago a friend of mine was sitting in a café in Edinburgh enjoying a nice coffee and a book. On the table behind her were a couple of students discussing an event they had been to and over the course of the discussion my name kept cropping up, mainly in reference to how great I am.

And sexy, let's not forget fantastically sexy to boot.

That's not my leg in there.

I love going to different university societies now, especially since I stopped being in charge of the one at my old university. Because of my being me and everything I've done over the years I regularly get people I've never seen before exclaiming in joy when they meet me, probably because of all the stories floating round.

They're all true.

Especially the one about the security guard.

The Vikings are the same, with the amount of stories going around people often know far too much about me before I personally come into contact with them. And I do come into contact with a lot of the society's membership with being the society acting officer. There are far too many stories going round.

Those stories are not true.

Especially the one about the Akvavit.

What got me was a phone call I had from Ireland one day last week. A friend of mine vocally reminded herself to call me after she got out of her knitting club. A new member of the club overheard, looked up and clarified if she meant Big Bad Jon, from VAGUE? I don't know who this new person was or where she's met me or seen me or anything silly like that, but she knows me.

I am famous, or infamous, or notorious.

Like I said, it's obviously because I'm so epically great.

I don't think there's many people on the planet that know more people than they are known by. But it gets strange when there are crossovers of the people that know me in a knitting club in a city I've never visited. In a county I've never had chance to get to.

When it happens in a parallel dimension or outer space then I'm going to get t-shirts printed saying "I've met Big Bad Jon and he can remember my name".

Hell, I'm tempted to do it now.

Any takers?

Hangin with my famous homies..

Friday 26th March

So I went to the movies last night with McLovin and Kick Ass. Seriously. They sent me an e-mail earlier in the week and sorted me out with a couple of tickets so last night there I was at the printworks with my chums Aaron and Chris.

See, I told you I was famous and they decided that since they were in town promoting their new film they wondered if I wanted to join them. Chris (McLovin) was a really talkative guy but Aaron (Kick Ass) was quite quiet. Must remember next time to take some time to draw him out a little more.

Actually it was quite weird watching a film pre-release with the two lead actors right there with you. Oh yeah, did I mention I went to see Kick Ass last night? It's really good, you should go watch it.

Once upon a time, I always used to think that if there's a child in a film then it should be safe for a child to see it. My mother never thought that was a good enough excuse to let an 8 year old see Poltergeist, but it didn't stop me from asking. Come to think of it I've still never seen it to this day.

There's a great many reasons to think that Kick Ass is a kids film, one of the main cast is an 11 year old girl, it's a superhero film, the two male leads are barely out of their teens and it's an action film and everybody knows that action films are for kids, yes? Just like Kill Bill was.

I'd have to agree, it's a kids film in exactly the same way that Watership Down is a kids film and everybody knows that wasn't traumatic for the young ones at all, was it? I know it's fifteen rated but you know a lot of parents ignore silly legal stuff like that if it involves actual thinking or you know, laws, if it stops little Jimmy getting to do exactly what he wants.