Better Red than Dead. Or Mauled by Bears.

Tuesday 27th July

I'm duck hunting.

I've killed deer, raccoons, skunk, bobcat, cougar, boars, horses, buffalo, elk, rabbit, eagle and crow.

Now I'm hunting duck.

I've faced off against a bear holding nothing but a knife and won. Alright, the first eight bears I faced with just a knife mauled me to gobbets, but I did win one fight and that counts for something.

And now I'm hunting duck.

I've even crept into a neighbour's back yard in the dead of night and shot their prize pig, and that wasn't too difficult. Though running from the law afterwards was a bit of a pain.

And now I'm hunting duck.

I've been sat next to this lake all night and most of the morning in the vain hope that a duck shows up and there's still no joy. So it's more true that although I'm hunting duck, I'm really just waiting for one to show up so I can shoot it.

See, I've been exploring the old west. Ever since my birthday when some people gave me RED DEAD REVOLUTIONS or whatever it's called, I've been throwing most of my time into taming the old west.

I've killed banditos, chased bounties, sold snake oil, hunted wanted men, robbed trains, saved trains and done a lot of killing on a lot of bad bad men, what I've mainly been doing is watching the backside of my horse bobbing along as I explore the wilderness in search of trivial quests.

I spent three whole days just picking flowers. Just picking flowers for another item to check off my list. I've searched for hidden gold in the deserts of mexico and the mountains of Canada.

But mainly I've been putting an end to the plague of creatures lurking, sniffing, howling and scratching their way around the plains and deserts of the land. Which is why I'm hunting duck.

I've killed one of every animal out there I've seen, so yes, when I saw that my neighbour had a pig I realised I hadn't killed one of those yet so I waited until the dead of night and snuck into his back yard.

So now I'm in a position to categorically say that I have killed one of every beastie that the land has to offer up to my bullets. Except Duck.

So now I'm hunting duck.